i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
don't judge my taste in strippers
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
