I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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