it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
