How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
