I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
