she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
