The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
