i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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