worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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