i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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