who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
