mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Drunk is not a location!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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