I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
