Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We left an ass print on the piano.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
