maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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