This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
