Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
