Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
