wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
