he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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