Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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