I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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