We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
