I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
whose ass print is on the piano?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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