I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
