It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
