I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His hands were made for my vagina.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
