I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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