When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
