Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
