Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
