I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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