Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
