I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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