the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
