he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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