Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
