nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
