we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
