Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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