i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
