maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
