I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
