The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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