And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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