Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
