I looked at my own cervix.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
