now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
