I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
