I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
