well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
