so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
