I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
